As children, we are like sponges, absorbing everything around us, especially the behaviours of those closest to us. From our parents and caregivers to our teachers and peers, we learn what is acceptable and expected through observation and imitation.
This process of learning through modelling is known as social learning theory, and it plays a crucial role in shaping who we are and how we behave as adults.
The power of modelling can be seen in countless examples, from toddlers mimicking their parents' language to teenagers adopting their friends' clothing styles.
In fact, one of the most famous studies in psychology, the Bobo doll experiment, demonstrated how children can learn aggressive behaviours by watching adults act violently towards a doll. The children who observed this behaviour were much more likely to imitate it than those who did not.
Of course, not all modelling is negative. We also learn positive behaviours from those around us, such as kindness, empathy, and compassion. However, because we are so impressionable as children, negative behaviours can be particularly challenging to unlearn as adults.
So, how can we identify behaviours we don't like about ourselves and take steps to change them? Here are five questions to ask yourself:
1) What behaviours am I exhibiting that I don't like?
The first step in changing negative behaviours is to identify them. Take some time to reflect on your actions and behaviours, and consider which ones you would like to change. Maybe you get easily frustrated with others, or perhaps you struggle to communicate effectively. Whatever it is, be honest with yourself about the behaviours you want to work on.
2)Where did I learn these behaviours?
Next, think about where these behaviours may have come from. Did you witness them in your parents or other family members? Did you learn them from peers or authority figures? Understanding the source of your behaviours can help you develop a plan for change.
3)What triggers these behaviours?
It's also essential to understand what triggers the behaviours you want to change. Do they tend to happen in certain situations or around certain people? Identifying triggers can help you anticipate when these behaviours may occur and prepare strategies to manage them.
4)What would I like to do differently?
Once you have a clear idea of the behaviours you want to change and where they come from, it's time to think about what you would like to do differently. Maybe you want to be more patient with others, or perhaps you want to improve your communication skills. Whatever it is, be specific about the changes you would like to make.
5)What steps can I take to make these changes?
Finally, it's time to develop a plan for change. This might involve seeking out therapy or coaching to help you develop new skills or strategies. It may also involve practising new behaviours in low-stress situations and gradually working up to more challenging scenarios. Whatever steps you choose to take, be patient and kind to yourself as you work towards your goals.
In conclusion, our behaviours are learned as children through modelling the people and the world around us. While this process can lead to positive behaviours, it can also result in negative ones that can be challenging to unlearn.
However, by asking ourselves the right questions and developing a plan for change, we can take steps to identify and transform negative behaviours and become the best versions of ourselves.
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